C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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