I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
