I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
two words: eviction party
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
