Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
