My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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