she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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