I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
accomplished twins. life is a go
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
