So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
