Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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