i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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