A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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