so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
