He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
