i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
