VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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