halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
