He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
false alarm, still single
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
