this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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