Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize