next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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