u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
