i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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