Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
