if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize