worst night to have a conscience
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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