Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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