20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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