So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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