I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
