she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
