You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
