yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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