Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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