tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
