I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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