sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
