Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
