I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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