I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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