38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
