How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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