So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
