Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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