You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize