Barsexuality is the new black.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
