Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize