I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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