I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
