I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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