I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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