its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
