She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
