Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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