Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
