I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
