I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize