You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
