Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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