smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do herpes really smell.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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