Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
