I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
