Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
