These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
