you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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