oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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