Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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