There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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