Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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