Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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