Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
