My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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