He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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