6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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