Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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