I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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