We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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