if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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