apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
