yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
