Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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