I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
