My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
