K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
