god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
