Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
