after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
