hell yes lets make some ravioli
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
