She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
