first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
