Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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