I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
