the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
