so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
