i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize