I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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