i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
