drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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