Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
