Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
