guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Don't EVER smell your tampon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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