It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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