I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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