You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
