Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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