Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
