I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
