if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
