I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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